Did you every have that feeling that you were on the edge or verge of something? Something big or important? Kinda like a Christmas Eve vibe? Well that’s how I feel.
It’s not like I’m on the verge of something better because I like where I am right now. Great friends, colleagues, family. But there is always something just out of reach. Everyone has one but how many can put their finger on what it is exactly? Better yet how many have achieved said goal only to find out it wasn’t what they expected?
It’s a fluttering not in the pit of your stomach, but in your heart. I compare it to a passion for something. That envy you many feel towards an athlete or musician or a writer. ‘How can they make it look/sound/read so easy?’ It’s simple. They are passionate about what they do. They eat, breathe sleep it. They constantly look for ways to improve but at the same time accept that what they’ve done is not bad, just that it could be better. They couple this with a dedication for practise and an innate ability that sets them apart.
Ultimately it’s that cumulation of all that work, and I think that is what I feel.
When I play softball I always look for ways to be better. I learn from my mistakes and I work on areas I think need improvement. Not that I will ever be construed as an elite player, but I do love the game.
Writing is different for me. It is something I can do and, surprisingly, I can do it pretty well. I approach it with same mentality that I approach softball. There is always room for improvement, there is always room to stretch.
I recently participated in an article for a colleague and good friend of mine. She was writing about careers and how people are in ones they don’t like but are there because they pay the bills. It explores the vast change in lifestyle from the safe bet to a career in what they love.
For me I think my constant bouncing from one to the other was a dissatisfaction in who I was or where I was in my life. You know, the grand tapestry that one looks back on? The legacy one leaves behind? I found I was lacking. The thing is, I didn’t know what I needed to do to change it. I didn’t know what my ‘passion’ was.
I do now. Better late than never eh? To that end I am on the threshold of something bigger and I try to keep it at arm’s length; try not to get to excited about it because I don’t want this to fail as well.
But I have a feeling…