EXTREME Weather Forecasting

Photo by Suzanne Long

Is it just me or does it seem like lately weather forecasting has taken a page for the Monster Truck announcers handbook?

Coming this Friday, Friday, Friday 10cms of snow. You heard me 10cms of snow!

A whooping 10cms, hunh? Oh no, I’d better buy supplies and flares. I should sock in some firewood because, 10cms of snow might just be higher than the toe of my boot…

Oh, brother. Maybe the news stations feel we have become so unacclimatized(yep, I made that word up) to our weather than we need excessive warnings in order to properly prepare ourselves.

To be fair, 10cms of snow can wreak more havoc in the heart of the Big Smoke (Toronto) than the mild irritation it causes people who live in more uncramped, rural areas. Maybe the forecasters need a reminder of where we live. This is Canada, or at least last time I checked, not Florida. I can see a little snow being a concern there, but here? It’s freakin’ February. 10cms of snow is something we get in November, maybe March, but February? Warn me when the snowfall is expected to exceed 8-10 inches (20-25 centimeters for all you people who learned metric first). The further north you go, the more laughable this becomes.

You’d think that after the whole “storm of the century” fiasco, that they’d be more judicious in labeling weather.

The worst 10cms of snow will do is make driving a bit slippery. So instead of warning us to prepare for the copious amount of snow, they should focus the message towards who they real want it to get to. Something like this would fit the bill;

“Hey idiot. Ya, you, the one that leaves the house already late for work. The one that eats, shaves, applies make-up, reads reports, all on their way to work, all while driving a vehicle. Drag your lazy ass out of bed early. Give yourself plenty of time, and don’t rush to work. In other words, don’t kill anybody because work only pays you for 8-5 and, dammit, you aren’t giving them one minute extra even if it means slaughtering innocents in order to do so.”

10cms? Really? With the emphasis they put on that measurement, Freud would have a heyday. For most, 10cms is something to be content with, not to brag about and definitely not something that requires a warning.

Seriously, weather people, calm down. We realize that you can’t accurately predict the weather, and we really don’t hold it against you when you’re wrong. The people who do, well they need a hobby and maybe to cut back on the Ritalin.

I realize that everything nowadays is EXTREMEREMEREME (echo). Extreme sports, Extreme flavour etc. But extreme weather forecasting is taking it a bit far dontcha think?

What do you say, most honorable readers? Is 10cms a concern to you? Am I being a bit harsh? Don’t you hate THOSE drivers? Can’t stamps and envelopes taste better?

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About Dale Long

Writing ambushed me from the shadows. At first I pushed it aside as nonsense, but luckily my wife and two girls saw the potential. Since then I have had an article published by Metroland, placed as runner-up and in the top ten in humour writing contests and various other contests. The icing on the cake was placing as runner-up in the WCDR's Wicked Words contest (130 entries) and having my entry published in the contests anthology of the same name. My entry was an exerpt from my upcoming novel, Echoes.
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12 Responses to EXTREME Weather Forecasting

  1. Lisa Llamrei says:

    10cm is only a concern if it all falls within an hour. And even then, only for that hour. I laughed too about the “storm” that was going to drop a full 10cm (4 whole inches!!) over 24 hours. Really?? Sounds like winter in Canada to me.

    • Dale Long says:

      Precisely Lisa. In February we should be saying “Thank (insert diety of choice) it’s only 10cms”.
      Seems like we go out of our way to protect the stupid. 😉

  2. Hi Dale!
    10 cm. is a concern when it’s the amount my bangs are too long (a potential traffic hazard), the strip of wall not done because the paint ran out, or distance between me and the maniac screeching to a halt behind me. Weather? Not so much. Thanks for a funny post, Dale.

  3. Dave Jones says:

    HA! I was a excited that I’d finally get to put the snowblower to some use. Well, I used the damn thing anyway. I listen to Q107 in the morning and always listen for the weather then I expect the opposite of what they forecast. I’m usually right.

    Just so we’re on the same page – I’ve taught my wife that 10cm is about 12 inches. Don’t ruin it for me.

  4. Bonnie says:

    Hahahaha. I love this blog!!!

    • Dale Long says:

      Thanks Bon! A good rant should make you think and give you a laugh. I love ranting.
      Who should I go after next, hmmmm? };)
      Don’t say politics, that’s too easy. Hell all I have to do is sit back and let them open their mouths. Where’s the fun in that?

  5. We’ve got something like that going on here in Minnesota. They’ve been talking about the “EXTREME Weather Conditions!” for the last week, getting everyone amped up, but as we got closer to the day, they kept pushing it back and lowering the projected amount of snowfall. It’s here now, the blizzard of the year. It snowed for all of two hours. But hey, some of my uni courses are cancelled tomorrow, so I shouldn’t complain too much…

    • Dale Long says:

      Minnesota is like mini Canada. You guys get a ton of snow there as well. It’s my opinion that when hiring weather forecasters they should be home grown, familiar with the weather in the area they they forecast in. By familiar I mean having lived through it and not read about it.
      I love snow days, enjoy!
      Thanks for stopping by Matt.

  6. ralfast says:

    See, that’s why I don’t miss Michigan in the winter. 😉

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