10 Largely Ignored Rules of the Road

I try to be a patient guy, really I do. Those of you who know me personally, also know that I fail at it more times than I succeed. But know this, my patience is actually better than it may appear. My true impatience is with stupidity.

I can wait my turn in line as good as the next guy or gal. Where I notice my patience wearing thin the most, is driving. Now before you start pointing fingers and chanting Road Rage, know this, while stupid driving may grate on my sensibilities, I am evolved enough to refrain from acting on it.
Sure I’ll mumble a curse at them, or roll my eyes loudly, occasionally these people will warrant a severe horn honking, but that is the extent of my retaliation.
Let’s face it, truly stupid people think everything they do wrong is someone elses fault. So the reprimand is lost on them and as such really not worth the effort.

While driving to and from Florida, I had time on my hands to observe. I started keeping track of the most repeated offences. In my head, Dave Letterman recited a Top Ten list of these offences that read as follows;

1) If the lane to your right is empty, then that is where you should be. Unless of course it is the exit lane and you do not wish to exit. Contrary to popular belief, the left lane is not the “fast lane”, it is the passing lane. The only reason you should be in that lane is to pass another vehicle. Please do so at more than 1/2 a km/h faster than the car you are passing.

2) That stick on the left side of the steering wheel is called a turn indicator. Also contrary to popular belief, Mercedes and BMW do come equipped with them. It is NOT optional. Use it.

3) Do not wait until the last second to merge across three lanes of traffic to exit the highway because you were driving in the “fast lane”. Yes accidents happen, but if you know you have to leave the highway and don’t know where your exit is… stay in the lane closest to the off ramps.

4) No, you cannot multi-task when driving.

5) Do not make the left hand turn on a yellow light. Unless you are already in the intersection, you will not make it and it is not the oncoming driver’s fault you didn’t.

6) Do NOT come to a complete stop on an on ramp or in a merge lane unless it is posted as a complete stop. The idea of the on ramp is to get up to highway speed in order to merge seamlessly. Unless you drive a Ferrari, you cannot get up to highway speeds in under 100 meters and in less than six seconds.

7) Do not assume I will automatically move out of your way regardless of your income or particular status symbol of a car. Leave your bloated and misplaced sense of entitlement at home. Please. See I can be nice sometimes.

8) The merge lane is not a passing lane. See rule 7

9) Do not wait until the absolute last minute to merge when losing a lane. See rule 7.

10) Give yourself plenty of time to get to work. Leave early. Get up earlier in order to get all the things you are trying to do while driving done before you leave home. We all know the saying “Speed kills”, well, haste kills faster. Inattentiveness kills even faster. See rule 4.

Above all, show some common courtesy.

In the words of the Paul Evans song, Seven Little Girls;
“All together now, one, two, three
Keep you mind on your drivin’
Keep you hands on the wheel
Keep your snoopy eyes on the road ahead
We’re havin’ fun sittin’ in the back seat
Kissin’ and a’huggin with Fred.”

Can’t we all just be like Fred? 😉

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About Dale Long

Writing ambushed me from the shadows. At first I pushed it aside as nonsense, but luckily my wife and two girls saw the potential. Since then I have had an article published by Metroland, placed as runner-up and in the top ten in humour writing contests and various other contests. The icing on the cake was placing as runner-up in the WCDR's Wicked Words contest (130 entries) and having my entry published in the contests anthology of the same name. My entry was an exerpt from my upcoming novel, Echoes.
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16 Responses to 10 Largely Ignored Rules of the Road

  1. Anonymous says:

    Great now I will have that song stuck in my head ALL day. Maybe you should teach drivers ed?!!

  2. Rant, rant, rant! We all do it but I think it’s pointless as there are those who live in their own little world and couldn’t care less about the rest of us. My one big question is: Do you feel better now? If so, it was worth it. If not….Have a great day, Dale. You certainly deserve it.

  3. Dave Jones says:

    I can’t afford Florida so I’ll hafta relate my pet peeve from the car wash. Why do some people get in line then wait until the three or so cars in front have got to the wash before they move. This drives me absolutely ass-kicking ballistic! Same things at stop lights when one idiot stops two carlenghts behind the car in front of him.

    I feel a little bit better now …

  4. Anonymous says:

    calm down boy!!!!!!!!

  5. Diane Dooley says:

    I live in a village with a very high population of elderly drivers. It’s done wonders for my defensive driving skills.

  6. What? The right lane is not the fast lane???

    Kidding. But I actually didn’t know that until into my 30’s. I also used to be a speed demon. I turned 30 and became a careful driver. I turned 40 and became a cautious driver. By the time I hit 50 I’ll be shaking my cane at pedestrians and hitting the highway at speeds of sixty km/hr.

    Is that to imply that you are sounding like an old fart? No. But you don’t sound like a reckless 20 year old either deary!

    Great post Dale!

  7. Pete says:

    Great post. I know a lot of people get easily irritated when driving, I’m not one of them. In fact I simply laugh and shake my head when i see some stunts some people try to pull. But i do get annoyed sometimes,and its usually for all of the above reasons. Plus those idiots who think cos they have a really fast car/are way cooler than you, you ought to get out of their way when they’re coming up behind you at twice the speed limit.
    I’m not nasty in any way, but sometimes I find myself wishing they would just speed their way off the road in some horrific accident. (Ok, so that is nasty, but as horrible as it sounds i’d rather idiot drivers take themselves out of the equation than some poor innocents)

    • Dale Long says:

      I try to shake my head and laugh but the idea that these people are expecting that reaction still lurks.
      I want my car to be equipped with those Nerf suction cup darts with little “Stupid” flags on them. The police could then just pull over and impound the car with the most darts stuck to it. Improbable? Yes, but fun to imagine 😉

  8. Nate Shenk says:

    This post speaks right to my heart. It amazes me that we don’t have more deaths from automobile accidents…the way people drive and with all the douchebags roaming the streets, there should be ten times the amount of accidents! Great post, Dale! #1 is definitely the most violated ha!

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